“Uh, you need five judges?” said Simon.

“Yep,” said the three judges, patiently waiting with their hats in their hands.

“Well, who’s going to be the fifth judge?” asked Simon, hoping that the judges would pick him.

“Now, that’s a good question,” replied Colonel Butz.

“Very good question,” added Colonel Putz.

“I’d say it was the best question I have heard all day, wouldn’t you, Colonel Butz?” chimed in Colonel Futz.

“Without a doubt, Colonel Futz. The best question.”

“I agree,” said Colonel Putz. “Simply, the best question, bar none. Doubt if we’ll hear a better question all day, perhaps all week.”

“Yes, all week, no doubt,” replied Colonel Futz.

“Or, possibly all month,” added Colonel Butz.

“Now, there is the year to think about. What about this year? Do you think we have heard a better question all year?”

“Well, that is a good. . . .”

“STOP!” shouted Lutz. “I say, someone’s got to do something, else this blabbering will never end. I’ll be your fifth judge.”

“Excellent suggestion,” exclaimed all three Colonels together. “Capital suggestion.”

So with everyone in agreement, except for Patrick (and Simon, who was quite disappointed that he had not been asked to be a judge), the three judges and the two recruits made their way to the soup tent.

Hundreds of ants were packed inside the soup pavilion. As soon as Patrick and the others entered, a loud murmur erupted across the tent. On the stage was a table. Along the center of the table was bowl after bowl of soup, hot steam wafting into the air. But Patrick did not pay any attention to the steam; it was the smell he noticed. It was wretched! As the judges made their way across the stage Patrick thought he was going to barf. It smelled as if someone had made the soup from garbage.

A bell sounded. Colonel Futz stepped forward. “Ladyants and Gentleants. May I have your attention, please? Oh, thank you. Thank you, indeed, for your kind, kind attentions. It is with great honor that I present our most distinguished judges for the keynote event of the Queen Mum’s Summer Celebration.”

“Long live the Queen,” shouted someone from the crowd.

“I agree, long live the Queen. Splendid notion. Splendid.”

“Oh, no,” groaned Lutz, “this is going to take all night.” But to his surprise, Colonel Futz was not distracted and stuck to the point.

“And we will have a toast to her Highness a little later in the program. First, we have a bit of judging to do, do we not?”

The crowd roared their approval.

“And to help us on our way in this year’s soup contest we have a most celebrated guest. Allow me to introduce that enterprising explorer, the doer of great deeds, the rescuer of the rescuees, that famous and noble human being, Patrick Biddle of Floodwaters fame.”

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Read a sample of Patrick Biddle's Great Adventure.
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Patrick Biddle Speaks!

Patrick Biddle comes alive as an audiobook with an exciting, funny narration by the author. Complete with sound effects, gags and fun-filled storytelling.

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Mr. Humdinger

Explore the further adventures of author Kurt Snow as he portrays Mr. Humdinger in "Mr. Humdinger Goes Fishing," a humorous, educational video about the commercial fishing industry that aired on PBS.

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